Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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