sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
