Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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