He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
