You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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