Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
