so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
