Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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