he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
