I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
