I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
