theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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