Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can Purell be used as lube?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize