thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
