My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
