You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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