I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
