I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
