thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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