Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
