he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
