I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
