I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think i have two assholes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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