The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
