I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
