don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
