I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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