Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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