All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize