She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
