How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize