i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
