That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
