Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
