I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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