I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
