I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
