I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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