No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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