she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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