im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
