hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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