Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
