The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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