just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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