Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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