I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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