I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize