I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
