I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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