Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is glitter all over my balls
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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