I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
