So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
