So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
