Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i'm inner monologue high
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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