I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is my gift to your gina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize