PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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