I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
