cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a beard to bite.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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