Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to make out with him forever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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