I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
